Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about self-love and what it really is and why it took me so long to cultivate it. It occurs to me now that self-love is the master key to joy, happiness, and success. I’ve been working on self-love for years and still at times I get blindsided by a rejection or a judgment.
I’ll be gliding along, feeling good about myself and my life when suddenly something jumps out at me that rocks my boat. Somebody says something to me that feels critical, another person is rude, another doesn’t respond to my calls or emails, I forget to pay a bill. All my old feelings from my past of being unworthy, unlovable and inadequate come up.
Fortunately now my recovery time is much shorter than it used to be. Instead of days, weeks and sometimes years of worrying over past “offenses” and things I did “wrong,” I am able to recover in seconds, minutes or hours depending on the intensity.
“He who takes offense when no offense is intended is a fool, and he who takes offense when offense is intended is a greater fool.” Brigham Young
Here is an exercise you can use when someone offends you:
First make it about them and not you. Make up excuses for them, “Maybe she was having a bad day.” “Maybe he had just gotten some terrible news.” “Maybe she didn’t mean it in the way I took it.” “Maybe they went into the hospital and weren’t able to answer my calls and emails.” (I used that one recently) “And even if that person was judging me, I refuse to judge myself.” “ Even though I feel inadequate and wrong for not paying a bill, I still deeply love and accept myself” Do everything in your power to maintain your state of self-love.
Remember, it’s not that you necessarily get over getting triggered right away, it’s about how quickly you can recover. It’s about fiercely protecting your self-approval and therefore your happiness. Use the affirmations, “I love myself, I approve of myself.” “It’s not about me, it’s about them.”
“How would your life be different if…you stopped allowing other people to dilute or poison your day with their words or opinions? Let today be the day…you stand strong in the truth of your beauty and journey through your day without attachment to the validation of others” – Steve Mariboli
Most people think success brings happiness, when actually the opposite is true. Happiness brings success. Happy people are in the heart. Happy people are filled with gratitude. When you love yourself, you project that love everywhere you go. You have confidence. You are true to yourself. You offer your gifts freely. People are drawn to you. People look up to you. People love you. You are open to receive and that’s when the universe fills you up!
I gave myself the birthday gift recently at a friend’s suggestion to approve of myself unconditionally, no matter what; to imbibe “Everything happens for the best” in the most radical sense. As I immerse myself futher in self love, I’m finding that there is basically only one love. Love of Self, Love of Creator, Love of Others and Love of Life all emanate from the same heart. When you fall in love with your own beautiful heart, you fall in love with everyone and everything!